Christmas eve

It's Christmas Eve, I just finished frosting the sugar cookies. I'm getting ready to finish up the last of the gift wrapping and get my breakfast casserole in the crockpot. I took the two little girls to see "frozen" today, the interactions of the sisters in the movie reminded me of my two oldest daughters. I hope they always find their way back to each other. I've always told them, God gave you a sister so you'd have a best friend forever!  I have a lot of things on my mind tonight with my oldest daughter being gone, our first ever Christmas apart. My Christmas wish is for her spirit and mind to be renewed this year. Leaving her with a fresh and healthy outlook on life. If your listening God, please watch over my baby girl this the night we celebrate the birth of your son. I know you understand my heartache...

Why is Christmas so exhausting?!

Woke up early this morning, my belly tied in knots worrying about Ris (my daughter). Vern must have felt it because he turned over and gently rubbed my back, then asked if I was okay? ... We talked, we cried, we got up and got ready for work. We both had to work today, even though it's Sunday,  one of the perks of Christmas time/self-employment NOT (a perk I mean)! Anyways, I took the two little girls to get biscuits and gravy from the local Dairy Mart, then on to get coffee & hot chocolate at Starbucks! Oddly enough this older woman, about 65, stopped me in the parking lot to chat me up it seems like I run into her every time I go to starbucks. The ODD part it she always talks to me like I've known her forever but I have no clue who she is, I've never met the lady before! Anyways I'm always nice, I listened to her story about her eye surgery and a funeral she attended  then wished her a merry Christmas before heading to work. I had four clients; one women's color/cut , and three little girl cuts. Everything went smoothly, I got out of work on time, then headed to my parents to pick up the littles (kids that is), had a nice little chat/cry with my parents, then headed off to go shopping. We were at the mall for probably half hour, it was quite interesting they had a llama in the mall to advertise products crafted from alpaca wool, Bella was completely enamored! We finished our shopping went to the grocery store, grabbed dinner and headed for home. Then V called, "hey baby I need some help Christmas shopping, would you help me?" So I did... Then as soon as I walked in the door and dropped to the couch to relax, Bella starts screaming of her back hurting! She cries so hysterically for 15 min that V insists we take her to the ER! Long story short, she has a bladder infection. So at 11:00pm I finally get home, Cayla and I wrap a few gifts, and now I FINALLy got to sit down! I'm sooooooo exhausted, and I didn't even get the cookies made! Dang, better luck tomorrow I guess!

Heartbroken

After a tumultuous two days of boyfriend problems, emotional issues, and health problems, my 16yr old daughter has chosen to go live with her father for a period of time. I swore I'd never let my girls go live with him after he left us for drugs while I was 4 months pregnant with our third child... It's been over 10 yrs now, he is clean, stable (working), and remarried. I felt it was my only option to keep her safe, get her the medical help she needed, and get her away from the young man who has been so toxic to her. As I watched her walk through the gates to board the plane I sobbed silently on my mothers shoulder, wishing that pain in my chest and the darkness creeping in on my soul would go away. It didn't...Hicksville got a little darker today now that my sunshine is across the country. My other two daughters seem to be doing ok, V is struggling but trying his best to stay strong for me, I love him even more for that. It killed me to see him cry today when he hugged her and told her goodbye for now, and for the first time in nine years of us being together I heard him tell her he loves her. It will be my first Christmas away from my beautiful girl, I hope she knows how much I love her. I'll leave a light on baby girl.

Been a while... OK FOREVER! I hope this finds you in good spirits!

Soooooooooo, it's been a while... To bring you up to speed, I'm still residing in Hicksville USA, I opened my own salon last December (craziest thing I've ever done), my middle daughter who home schools just decided to try public school again this year, my teenager hates me more than she likes me, Beana is 9 😢, and yes V is still one of the only black men in Hicksville! I've been pretty busy getting my salon (which I will probably be referring to as "the shop" from now on) going. I have 3 stylists two of which do mani/pedi also, a nail tech, and a massage therapist.  I have been very blessed to have such an amazing clientele who have followed me on all my salon adventures!
   Tonight I lay here on my couch with my Red Fuzzy Blankie (it's my favorite), the heaters blasting warm comforting air, Christmas music filling the room, my bare naked Christmas tree staring at me, Bo Stern's book "Beautiful battlefields" on the arm rest of the couch, reflecting on my life and the current season. I feel as if I'm in the middle of a swirling vortex, or the eye of a tornado. My life with all it's problems, the world filled with chaos and troubles, peoples sadness and turmoil  this beautiful Christmas season, swirling around me. Yet in the midst of this I'm so profoundly aware of how lucky I am. I count my blessings one by one til they explode like the stars in the sky. I think of those less fortunate than myself, those suffering great pain or grief, broken families & hearts.  This Christmas I find myself adorned in a robe of peace and of hope. My prayer tonight is that everyone would be able to find whatever solace your heart is searching for, if even just for a moment.