Christmas eve

It's Christmas Eve, I just finished frosting the sugar cookies. I'm getting ready to finish up the last of the gift wrapping and get my breakfast casserole in the crockpot. I took the two little girls to see "frozen" today, the interactions of the sisters in the movie reminded me of my two oldest daughters. I hope they always find their way back to each other. I've always told them, God gave you a sister so you'd have a best friend forever!  I have a lot of things on my mind tonight with my oldest daughter being gone, our first ever Christmas apart. My Christmas wish is for her spirit and mind to be renewed this year. Leaving her with a fresh and healthy outlook on life. If your listening God, please watch over my baby girl this the night we celebrate the birth of your son. I know you understand my heartache...

Why is Christmas so exhausting?!

Woke up early this morning, my belly tied in knots worrying about Ris (my daughter). Vern must have felt it because he turned over and gently rubbed my back, then asked if I was okay? ... We talked, we cried, we got up and got ready for work. We both had to work today, even though it's Sunday,  one of the perks of Christmas time/self-employment NOT (a perk I mean)! Anyways, I took the two little girls to get biscuits and gravy from the local Dairy Mart, then on to get coffee & hot chocolate at Starbucks! Oddly enough this older woman, about 65, stopped me in the parking lot to chat me up it seems like I run into her every time I go to starbucks. The ODD part it she always talks to me like I've known her forever but I have no clue who she is, I've never met the lady before! Anyways I'm always nice, I listened to her story about her eye surgery and a funeral she attended  then wished her a merry Christmas before heading to work. I had four clients; one women's color/cut , and three little girl cuts. Everything went smoothly, I got out of work on time, then headed to my parents to pick up the littles (kids that is), had a nice little chat/cry with my parents, then headed off to go shopping. We were at the mall for probably half hour, it was quite interesting they had a llama in the mall to advertise products crafted from alpaca wool, Bella was completely enamored! We finished our shopping went to the grocery store, grabbed dinner and headed for home. Then V called, "hey baby I need some help Christmas shopping, would you help me?" So I did... Then as soon as I walked in the door and dropped to the couch to relax, Bella starts screaming of her back hurting! She cries so hysterically for 15 min that V insists we take her to the ER! Long story short, she has a bladder infection. So at 11:00pm I finally get home, Cayla and I wrap a few gifts, and now I FINALLy got to sit down! I'm sooooooo exhausted, and I didn't even get the cookies made! Dang, better luck tomorrow I guess!

Heartbroken

After a tumultuous two days of boyfriend problems, emotional issues, and health problems, my 16yr old daughter has chosen to go live with her father for a period of time. I swore I'd never let my girls go live with him after he left us for drugs while I was 4 months pregnant with our third child... It's been over 10 yrs now, he is clean, stable (working), and remarried. I felt it was my only option to keep her safe, get her the medical help she needed, and get her away from the young man who has been so toxic to her. As I watched her walk through the gates to board the plane I sobbed silently on my mothers shoulder, wishing that pain in my chest and the darkness creeping in on my soul would go away. It didn't...Hicksville got a little darker today now that my sunshine is across the country. My other two daughters seem to be doing ok, V is struggling but trying his best to stay strong for me, I love him even more for that. It killed me to see him cry today when he hugged her and told her goodbye for now, and for the first time in nine years of us being together I heard him tell her he loves her. It will be my first Christmas away from my beautiful girl, I hope she knows how much I love her. I'll leave a light on baby girl.

Been a while... OK FOREVER! I hope this finds you in good spirits!

Soooooooooo, it's been a while... To bring you up to speed, I'm still residing in Hicksville USA, I opened my own salon last December (craziest thing I've ever done), my middle daughter who home schools just decided to try public school again this year, my teenager hates me more than she likes me, Beana is 9 😢, and yes V is still one of the only black men in Hicksville! I've been pretty busy getting my salon (which I will probably be referring to as "the shop" from now on) going. I have 3 stylists two of which do mani/pedi also, a nail tech, and a massage therapist.  I have been very blessed to have such an amazing clientele who have followed me on all my salon adventures!
   Tonight I lay here on my couch with my Red Fuzzy Blankie (it's my favorite), the heaters blasting warm comforting air, Christmas music filling the room, my bare naked Christmas tree staring at me, Bo Stern's book "Beautiful battlefields" on the arm rest of the couch, reflecting on my life and the current season. I feel as if I'm in the middle of a swirling vortex, or the eye of a tornado. My life with all it's problems, the world filled with chaos and troubles, peoples sadness and turmoil  this beautiful Christmas season, swirling around me. Yet in the midst of this I'm so profoundly aware of how lucky I am. I count my blessings one by one til they explode like the stars in the sky. I think of those less fortunate than myself, those suffering great pain or grief, broken families & hearts.  This Christmas I find myself adorned in a robe of peace and of hope. My prayer tonight is that everyone would be able to find whatever solace your heart is searching for, if even just for a moment.

How the 3 C's came about...

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It was one of those mornings where you wake up and you just want to stay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing! So I decided to be lazy mmmm pretty much all day today. It was 6 o'clock pm when I finally left the house and it was only because my daughter was at a friends house and needed to be picked up... After I drug my lazy A** out of the house to go pick her up, she wanted to stay the night. (Since she homeschools, I figured it was fine.) I decided to go visit V at his shop. (He's a workaholic, that or I drive him stark raving mad so he tries to stay out of the house, I'm not sure which) It was kinda cool cause he put a outrageous stereo system into a "Low-Rider" semi truck (I KNOW, strange, low-rider and semi truck in the same sentence). It was AWESOME for a second I kinda wanted a semi! (LEAST I WOULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE KE$HA CONCERT!  TOENAIL PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE POPPED THAT TIRE) Anyways, V (who's always thinking about food) asked what's for dinner? That's how the three C's came about... I have been in kinda a funk lately, and in desperate need of comfort food, So I came up with a plan. I made gourmet Cheeseburgers, I had CORONA (my favorite beer) and for dessert I had cookie dough! I know, your jealous right?! Yep, nice healthy dinner, if you find yourself in a funk or just needing some comfort I would suggest trying the 3 C's. It's what all the cool people are doing now! Notice the Corona says "LIGHT" that's to counter act some of the cookie dough LOL!

How old am I?

My littlest girl is seven, we call her Beana. So Beana and I were talking the other day and she asked me if there were birds at the same time as dinosaurs. I am no paleontologist so I really have no Flippin' clue! So I tell her "I don't know, I think there were like Pterodactyls or something but they weren't really birds." Beana says, "mom, why don't you know you are full grown already..." That is the second time she's asked me what it was like when the dinosaurs were here... Apparently I am so old that it is no longer appropriate to use words like "rad" or "awesome" anymore, Beana started saying stuff like "sick" and "what's crackin'". My 10 year old daughter told me that I was a dork for rocking out to Cyndi Lauper "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"! I told her it's the all time girls anthem and I continued car dancing! she says, I'm a nerd right along with her friends mom (WHO APPARENTLY ROCKS OUT TO THAT SONG IN HER CAR JUST LIKE I DO) and my dance moves are RETARDED! Today Beana yelled "BAM" at me and I looked at her funny and was like "what was that?" She yelled it again and said "DUH mom I just dissed on you."  So, I guess 35 is the new 100, and according to Beana "I'm Burnt"!

Racial Profiling

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about racial profiling/racism today. I get a little riled up over it since V my boyfriend is black/Indian. I read the shebshi blog about a woman who was on the same plane isle with two Indian men on 9/11 of this year. She gets racially profiled, and violated if you ask me, it was detestable! If you haven't read it you should! You can find it @ http://shebshi.wordpress.com It was so disturbing to me. I mean C'MON people it's frickin' 2011 can't we move beyond the whole skin color thing yet??? V told me about another story where some young kids in Mississippi went hunting for a black person to beat up. They beat up and KILLED a 47yr old black man leaving a store. Then they went to McDonald's for dinner, WTF?!!! Seriously your going to kill someone then stop for some chicken mcnuggets! Just makes me so frustrated. (I was gonna say F***IN PISSED but I decided anger in a situation like this just makes things worse) I was thinking of all the crap that people of color have to deal with in our society still. They are still hanging confederate flags on the courthouses in the south! Is that not appalling to anyone else? Apparently in places like Mississippi, there's still a "black side of town" WTH? What's with the segregation? So before I met V, I'd go shopping and usually within, oh, about 1min. of me walking into the department store, some salesperson would come up and say "good afternoon, is there anything we can help you find today?" Now when V and I go into the same department store, security follows us around like we are your common criminals. Or we get pulled over while driving and the officer comes to my window (passenger side) and says "are you okay ma'am?" Are you FRICKIN' KIDDING ME? What, now you can't make a Taco Bell Run at 9:00 pm if your boyfriend isn't white cause it MUST mean your being taken hostage and about to be a victim of a serious crime?! Why is it that whenever V and I fly, V gets "random security checks" at every checkpoint? I've never even gotten ONE! I even screwed up and put my laptop in my carry on suitcase which is apparently a big no no! While the security guard explained to me that "there are some very bad men out there who can do very bad things with a laptop" V was in the "glass box" again getting another "random security check". SH**, I had the FLIPPIN' laptop in my bag, V didn't even break any rules and he got "random" checked. I just got a pat on the back and a "be sure you leave your laptop out of your suitcase 'til after the checkpoint next time" talk. We have our first black president people, get over the whole skin color thing its STUPID! Bad people come in ALL COLORS! Trust me, I'm related to some!